Then it is the tip of the ice berg. With every point of discussion, the arguments arise as the thoughts of thesetwo individuals are in different directions and not ready to compromise. Once the argument starts, then both of them do not care of any consequence arising, completely losing the awareness of the situation and at that heat of the moment, major decisions are thrown at each other, without having any idea of the consequences arising out of it.
Every couple--no matter how well they communicate in a relationship--has times where they disagree. At the same time, this doesn't have to turn into a fight! How to stop arguing is one of the biggest relationship problems many marriages face. Luckily, you can learn to stop fighting/arguments, the first step are identifying which are the subjects getting in to arguments.
The 4 most common unhealthy communication/arguments habits
EASINESS : Means giving up on the issue to avoid an argument. This habit results in an imbalance of power: one person wins and the other looses-- and leads to symptoms like depression and resentment. Plus, the problem starting the arguments never gets solved!
FREEZING : Freezing happens when you refuse to talk about the issue. You may avoid starting the conversation at all, or walk away and shut down during the conversation. When communication freezes, you build icy walls of stress and tension in your marriage, leading to feelings of anxiety and emotional distance.
FIGHT 'TILL YOU WIN' : This is the familiar yelling, bickering and arguing that many couples face. Fighting leads to ill will and excessive anger. It can develop into controlling behaviors, and verbal or even physical abuse.
Do you find that because you feel unable to address the issues in your relationship you’re tempted to turn your time and energy elsewhere?That’s called flight.
What are the Alternatives?
Do you talk things through, respecting each other’s opinions, and make mutually satisfying win-win plans together.
TAKE A TIME-OUT : For many couples an argument is a time of heightened emotions. Because it can be difficult to think clearly, physically distancing yourself can help your emotions to settle. However, never leave without giving an explanation or without agreeing to resume the discussion at some later time.
COMMUNICATE TO UNCOVER HIDDEN NEEDS : As you attempt to clarify the conflict, repeat, using your own words, your mate's position. Actively listen and understand what your mate is saying. In turn, this slows down the process and allows each person to feel heard and understood.
After the conversation has shifted to slow speech and quick listening, try to uncover any hidden needs. Everyone will have needs that were difficult to express. Addressing those hidden needs was essential as we moved toward a solution. As you attempt to uncover such needs, it can be helpful to ask questions like, "What is really going on?" or "What must change or happen to meet your needs?"
CREATE A "WIN-WIN" SOLUTIONOnce your emotions have settled and constructive communication exists, the third step in resolving conflicts is to find a "win-win" solution. This doesn't necessarily mean compromising. Sometimes compromising creates a quick-fix solution where no one is pleased with the outcome. Furthermore, important issues may be overlooked. Instead, in a "win-win" situation, needs are met on both sides. Win-win solutions can be created in a variety of different ways. Techniques like "brainstorming" and "pros vs. cons" lists work great.
RESOLUTIONSAfter a "win-win" solution is found, the resolution process isn't complete until you've made sure that forgiveness has taken place. This step is so crucial because emotional injury can occur when resentment or anger continues after the conflict has ended. Although feelings may be hurt once the argument has finished, it's important not to let the sun go down on your anger Therefore, try to identify your own contribution to the problem and seek forgiveness